Molly Modifications

I had no clue the impact having a dog would have on our household. I knew things would be different, but when they say it's good practice for a baby, they're right (whoever they are). Of course there were the obvious things, like getting a leash, food dishes, food, etc. But there were some changes we were forced to make that had never crossed our minds...as Clinton says "Oh, another modification for Molly."

1. We have a baby gate- but no baby. This used to keep Molly away from the litter box in our old place, and in our current house keeps her off the top floor altogether (which is where the litter boxes are housed now). Molly knows how to break down the gate, either by knocking it over, or pushing it open with her nose, but for the most part it works.

Pros: everything upstairs is (generally) safe; we don't have to constantly monitor Molly since it confines her to the main floor; when guests come over, we have the option of preventing Molly from clobbering them by gating her upstairs. She will stand behind the gate, and just stare until she calms down. It saves a lot of headaches.

Cons: we have a baby gate on our stairs; the wall where the gate touches constantly has marks on it; the cats have to find new ways to get upstairs- Lucky jumps the gate, sometimes kicking it over with her back legs. She's fast and can jump great heights. Tucker, being a little more "big boned" gets up on the storage ottoman, and squeezes through the rungs on the railing- thus leaving them constantly in need of cleaning as well.

2. We must pick all articles of clothing up off the floor- we have lost shirts, pants, underwear, socks, bras, and just about every other type of clothing you can imagine due to Molly getting hold of it without anyone noticing. When we're upstairs, we let Molly come up too. The problem is, she does need to be watched more closely up there. Countless times, I have gotten out of the shower to find a trail of clothing shards leading to where she has decided to lay down at that time. She always looks ashamed, but not enough to stop her from doing it next time

Pros: we have to keep the floors clear of everything- most people grow out of throwing their clothes on the floor as adults anyway, but not us. This has helped us live more maturely.

Cons: if something falls out of the hamper, it's destroyed. So not only does everything need to be put away/put in the hamper, it has to be done in such a way that there is no chance of it hitting the floor...at any time...ever; Clinton does not own one pair of socks without a hole in them; Clinton's favourite pair of jogging pants are now being used as rags due the ass being chewed out of them when nobody was looking; when I fold laundry, I have to watch VERY carefully to ensure nothing falls on the floor without me noticing- more than once a sock has escaped, and I will find it in pieces on Molly's bed later.

3. Shoes must be put away- sort of: Molly is not a shoe chewer per se, but sometimes she will encounter a pair of shoes that stands out from the rest that she just has to chew on. Usually, these belong to people who are visiting us, so when they go to leave, it is not uncommon for them to find their shoes placed in the bathroom with the door closed- done discreetly by me when I catch Molly with her face in them.

Pros: our entryway is, for the most part, neat and tidy; there is no "shoe pile" at the door, although sometimes they start to collect (shoes Molly has no interest in tend to stay out because of our excitement over the fact that we don't have to put them away if we don't feel like it) ***side note- right now there is a bike in our entryway, which takes away from the lack of clutter- but it's not permanent, and therefore I can ignore it***

Cons: we have lost good shoes to this- Clinton's "vintage" (i.e. "old") Umbros fell victim to Molly, as have a couple pairs of my flats; sometimes she is discreet and we don't notice right away that she has chewed a shoe until we get into public- like the day I went to work, and discovered one of my shoes was missing a bow, or the insole had been ripped out

4. We have to feed the cats right before bed: Tucker, our larger cat, gets incredibly cranky when he is hungry. If he doesn't eat every few hours, look out. He tends to go after Lucky, which eventually leads to some hissing, and meowing. Because Tucker is "cushy", we used to try and watch how much we fed him. However, since getting Molly, we have discovered that once the cats start making noise in the night, she just has to see what's going on. This has led to her getting in and out of the bed multiple times a night, only to come back two minutes later, and scratch us to let her back under the covers (yes, she sleeps in our bed under the covers- BIG DEAL). Nobody sleeps, and therefore mornings are very unpleasant for everyone- except Molly, who takes that time to catch some zzzz's. We've discovered that if we feed the cats right before bed, Tucker is pretty zonked until about 5:30am...which is better than being woken at 2am because he's pissy.

Pros: there are no pros to feeding the cats before bed, aside from the reason we do it, which is to keep Molly asleep

Cons: Tucker's health is probably being jeopardized because of how husky he is getting/continues to get, but we selfishly choose sleep over non-clogged kitty arteries; we spend more money on dry food now (the cats only used to get it sometimes); Tucker expects this feeding, so if I forget, I am soon reminded- about three minutes after falling asleep.

5. Having visitors involves major prep: There should always be something in the cupboard to act as a distracter for Molly if we're having company/someone pops by. Molly should also be walked if we're expecting guests. We usually walk her twice a day anyway, but if we're having people over, we try to really exhaust her because she is BONKERS for new people. I've seen her run laps around the house, jumping on furniture and barking at nothing before slamming herself into someone who has just entered our house. When everyone settles down inside, she then jumps on them, licks them, etc. And if we make her stop, she gets on the back of the couch/chair, and before we know it, she's licking someone's face. Not everyone likes saliva all over them, we've discovered. But when we try to catch her/stop her, she's off again, running around like a lunatic, while we look like complete idiots trying to calm her down. I apologize profusely, red faced, while Clinton probably prays to a higher power to transport him to another place and time. Don't get me wrong- this does not happen every single time- only on some occasions, like when Clinton's relatives who I have never met stop in. "Hi, I'm Clinton's wife, and this is my Gremlin who I accidentally fed after midnight. Excuse me while I try to lasso and sedate her. Make yourselves at home."

Pros: we get lots of exercise

Cons: visitor anxiety; fear of a knock on the door; people unfriend us since they hate coming to our house; eye rolls from Chuck Teed (kidding Chuck- just giving you a shout out!)

6. Our blinds are always shut: our neighbours probably think we're hiding bodies or something because we never have our blinds open. This is because Molly barks loudly at every single thing that goes by- people, dogs, people with dogs (her favourite), squirrels, leaves- you name it, she has barked at it. We figure by eliminating her odds of seeing people passing by, we save ourselves a literal headache.

Pros: it's nice and shady in our house (this is sarcastic- I would much rather let the natural light in)

Cons: no natural light; blinds in constant disarray because every now and again Molly catches a glimpse of something going by, and proceeds to scream at them from her perch.

These are only a few things that we had to change in our house to avoid damage/conflict with Molly. In some ways, these changes have been good, and in others not so good (like visitor stress). However, I know (and fear) that one day, when we put the baby gate away, and can toss our dirty socks on the floor, the house will feel very empty. Therefore, rather than driving Molly to a remote area with a lot of squirrels and freeing her, I vent by posting things like this. It allows me to love her more (which I really don't think is possible), and laugh at reading her quirks on paper (screen?).

PS- I feel like I should mention that I sit here finishing this post after going to bed at 2:30am, and being woken consistently through the night by Molly and Tucker. When I finally surfaced at 7:00 (which is considered sleeping in to me now), I found Molly ripping apart one of my bras in the hallway. Happy Sunday.